The Silly Human and Ultimatums for God

Okay...I know the title of this post sounds like a storybook or something like that but in acutallity it represents my life (which is a storybook of sorts at times, haha). In any event God has really been doing a work in me as of late. I owe this in large part to a course I'm taking at my church which I previously mentioned. I have been mentally attacked and oppressed twice now during this course which only solidifies the fact that I'm clearly doing the right thing and making "someone" upset about it. The enemy has attacked me in my mind...he is truly the father of lies and deceit. He has lied to me and deceived me so many times but NOW I'm learning the truth so that I can fight back and claim the victory that Jesus already has! In any event, the point of this post is similar to past posts about surrender but more specifically about the "ultimatums" that I tend to give God from time to time.

So, I have given God "ultimatums" before. I don't say this in an irreverant way, and they aren't really ultimatums like "God, if you don't do X I'm outta here!" They are really times when I'm honest with God, open about what's going on in my life and how I feel. These are times when I am craving, reaching, and in a place of utter desparation for Him to change my circumstances.

This has happened at least two to three times in the past. The first time it happened, I was in a place where I knew God didn't want me but I didn't have the strength to move out of that place. I cried out to God for him to change my circumstances because I was powerless to do so. Of course about 3-4 months after that desparate prayer, He did what I asked and removed me from that place. The second time this happened was when I was studying for a licensing exam. I was at my wits end after several weeks of studying and towards the big exam day I kept telling God, "You have to take this exam for me, I can't, I'm powerless." I had to keep encouraging myself through deep waves of discouragment realizing that God is the one who can overcome an exam created by man. So I (strike that, God) ended up passing the exam and God ushered me into a licesned profession to do something for Him (still don't know what that is...I have an inkling but I'd rather not discuss it because it makes me cringe a little, lol). The last time was this morning. I had come to a place where I had to make a decision to serve God in a more overt/intentional/outward/deliberate way or remain sort of obscure and not making any waves. This was my point of surrender this morning, my ultimatum to God: "I'm scared, I don't think I can do this, I don't know why I feel this way, I don't know what You want me to do. Make it clear to me whether these feelings are from You or from me, show me what You want me to do and make it crystal clear because I can't see an answer." Well...you would think I would have known from my first two experiences that He would answer me...I knew that deep down inside but I didn't know when or how. Well a few hours later He did and He also opened my eyes to understand Him in a greater way.

As I completed some homework for this course I'm enrolled in at my church I came upon this exercise for dealing with emotions. It calls you to recognize and understand what you feel and to ask the Holy Spirit to change the underlying beliefs causing the emotions. Ironically, I didn't realize that I had recognized my feelings and gave God one of my trusty "ultimatums" that morning. So all was left was to ask the Spirit to reveal the truths of why I feel the way I feel and replace them with God's truth. As I began to deal with my feelings of being scared, inadequate, unable, etc. Seemingly, (but not actually of course) OUT OF NOWHERE I hear part of Zechariah 4:6 ringing in my head, "not by power but by my Spirit." I then immediately googled the words because I don't ever remember reading the verses and found the chapter and verse.

Zechariah 4:6 (AMP)

"...Not by power, but by My Spirit says the Lord of hosts."

Zechariah 4:6 (TNIV)

"...Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit, says the Lord Almighty."

WOW! Okay so as I was just "real" with God, laid my cards on the table, gave Him an ultimatum, He tells me that my fear is unfounded, my feeling of incapability or inadequacies are unfounded because I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH IT! It is by HIS SPIRIT not my own human workings that He will do whatever He intends through my life! I'm amazed. Any overt and deliberate serving will be done by HIM through me not by me with His assistance (thank God for that, lol!).

Maybe I have learned my ultimatum lesson...don't give God an ultimatum unless you are ready for Him to really answer it! He has not failed me yet and I'm amazed at no matter how silly I am with my "God you need to do something now or I don't know what will happen" demands, He answers and He knows my heart, He sees where I am and He loves me because of it.

He is truly awesome and worthy of praise!

Incomplete Understandings

Wow! It's been entirely too long since I last posted anything on this blog. I hope to come back to doing this on a more regular basis.


In any event, I have been on a journey to grow deeper in my relationship with Christ. Let me tell you, when you desire in your heart to transcend the normal day-to-day, check-in and check-out relationship with God, He will show up and turn your whole world upside down! In a good way of course! :-) I'm not saying this pretending to be some sort of spiritual guru or some holier-than-thou person but just saying that it is true what the word says, in the Psalms: "But I am close to God, and that is good." Psalm 73:28 and James 4:8 "Come near to God, and God will come near to you." When we open our hearts and lay ourselves, our true selves out before God, He will reveal His truths in a great and impactful way.


For me, God opened my eyes to a very important truth (it actually coincided with a course at my Church). The lyrics of "Stronger" always touch my heart, especially this part, "So let your name be lifted higher, be lifted higher, be lifted higher!" It reminds me that His name has to be lifted above every experience, condition, and circumstance because He is stronger indeed! But, I always rush through the rest of the song especially these words, "sin is broken." In my head I really just want to get to the "let your name be lifted higher" part and that's just part of what I have to sing to get there, haha. BUT GOD! Yesterday those words "sin is broken" resonated so deeply within me. I realized that my understanding of the gospel was incomplete in light of that very sentence.


My understanding of "The Good News" was that Jesus died, freed us from sin, rose again, and if we believe in him, there will be eternal life in heaven. While we are here on earth we get to talk to him and guide other people to him. Last week I came to understand that this eternal life is for heaven but God wants us to have abundant life now, He cares about how we live today! I know that's probably Christianity 101 for some people but that blew my mind.


My other misconception of the gospel which relates to the song I mentioned earlier is that sin is broken, not damaged, dented, cracked, bruised, BUT absolutely broken, irreparable. Merriam-Webster defines broken as "violently separated into parts, disrupted by change, cut off, not complete or full." As I was singing, this truth resonated with me in a new way. My old way of doing things, my living separated from God, not being attuned to his desires, satisfying my flesh is gone, violently separated, it is no more. Because of what Jesus did on the cross, because of God's decision to reconcile us through His son, that sin (that missing the mark, that living in my own strength) was forever severed and I no longer live according to that nature. Colossians 3:9-10 says it this way:

"...You have left your old sinful life and the things you did before.
You have begun to live the new life, in which you are being made new and are
becoming like the One who made you. This new life brings you the true
knowledge of God."

... and Colossians 1:22 says:

"But now God has made you his friends again. He did this through Christ's
death in the body so that he might bring you into God's presence as people
who are holy, with no wrong, and with nothing of
which God can judge you guilty." (emphasis added)

There is no longer any wrong in my life, sin is broken, it does not control me. Of course I still sin, all of us in Christ do, but I'm not ruled by that sin. When I take my life in my hands because I feel that God is moving too slow or is not really there to help me, when I turn away from God and lean on my own understanding, desires, worldview, in short, when I sin, I am only reverting back to a memory of the old way I used to live, not who I am. I am a person freed from sin, sin has been violently separated from life. Each day I must choose to live according to God and remember that I am ruled not by the world, my flesh or myself but by God. He has broken the old me and calls me daily to embrace the new me. I am no longer subject to sin, it has no power over me because it is broken. Something that's broken has no power, no effect, it is useless and so is sin, my past, and my human habits, they are of no use to me, they are broken. The only fullness there is to know is the fullness of God as revealed through His son Jesus Christ.


What a freeing thought, sin is broken no longer has a hold on me. What freedom to remember that when I need to act or react I should rely not on the broken sinful self but the fullness of God and his Word.