The Silly Human and Ultimatums for God

Okay...I know the title of this post sounds like a storybook or something like that but in acutallity it represents my life (which is a storybook of sorts at times, haha). In any event God has really been doing a work in me as of late. I owe this in large part to a course I'm taking at my church which I previously mentioned. I have been mentally attacked and oppressed twice now during this course which only solidifies the fact that I'm clearly doing the right thing and making "someone" upset about it. The enemy has attacked me in my mind...he is truly the father of lies and deceit. He has lied to me and deceived me so many times but NOW I'm learning the truth so that I can fight back and claim the victory that Jesus already has! In any event, the point of this post is similar to past posts about surrender but more specifically about the "ultimatums" that I tend to give God from time to time.

So, I have given God "ultimatums" before. I don't say this in an irreverant way, and they aren't really ultimatums like "God, if you don't do X I'm outta here!" They are really times when I'm honest with God, open about what's going on in my life and how I feel. These are times when I am craving, reaching, and in a place of utter desparation for Him to change my circumstances.

This has happened at least two to three times in the past. The first time it happened, I was in a place where I knew God didn't want me but I didn't have the strength to move out of that place. I cried out to God for him to change my circumstances because I was powerless to do so. Of course about 3-4 months after that desparate prayer, He did what I asked and removed me from that place. The second time this happened was when I was studying for a licensing exam. I was at my wits end after several weeks of studying and towards the big exam day I kept telling God, "You have to take this exam for me, I can't, I'm powerless." I had to keep encouraging myself through deep waves of discouragment realizing that God is the one who can overcome an exam created by man. So I (strike that, God) ended up passing the exam and God ushered me into a licesned profession to do something for Him (still don't know what that is...I have an inkling but I'd rather not discuss it because it makes me cringe a little, lol). The last time was this morning. I had come to a place where I had to make a decision to serve God in a more overt/intentional/outward/deliberate way or remain sort of obscure and not making any waves. This was my point of surrender this morning, my ultimatum to God: "I'm scared, I don't think I can do this, I don't know why I feel this way, I don't know what You want me to do. Make it clear to me whether these feelings are from You or from me, show me what You want me to do and make it crystal clear because I can't see an answer." Well...you would think I would have known from my first two experiences that He would answer me...I knew that deep down inside but I didn't know when or how. Well a few hours later He did and He also opened my eyes to understand Him in a greater way.

As I completed some homework for this course I'm enrolled in at my church I came upon this exercise for dealing with emotions. It calls you to recognize and understand what you feel and to ask the Holy Spirit to change the underlying beliefs causing the emotions. Ironically, I didn't realize that I had recognized my feelings and gave God one of my trusty "ultimatums" that morning. So all was left was to ask the Spirit to reveal the truths of why I feel the way I feel and replace them with God's truth. As I began to deal with my feelings of being scared, inadequate, unable, etc. Seemingly, (but not actually of course) OUT OF NOWHERE I hear part of Zechariah 4:6 ringing in my head, "not by power but by my Spirit." I then immediately googled the words because I don't ever remember reading the verses and found the chapter and verse.

Zechariah 4:6 (AMP)

"...Not by power, but by My Spirit says the Lord of hosts."

Zechariah 4:6 (TNIV)

"...Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit, says the Lord Almighty."

WOW! Okay so as I was just "real" with God, laid my cards on the table, gave Him an ultimatum, He tells me that my fear is unfounded, my feeling of incapability or inadequacies are unfounded because I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH IT! It is by HIS SPIRIT not my own human workings that He will do whatever He intends through my life! I'm amazed. Any overt and deliberate serving will be done by HIM through me not by me with His assistance (thank God for that, lol!).

Maybe I have learned my ultimatum lesson...don't give God an ultimatum unless you are ready for Him to really answer it! He has not failed me yet and I'm amazed at no matter how silly I am with my "God you need to do something now or I don't know what will happen" demands, He answers and He knows my heart, He sees where I am and He loves me because of it.

He is truly awesome and worthy of praise!