Delight in His Will and Walk in His Way

Retreat Day 1:

So, I'm actually excited about this experience to come. The last retreat I went on I felt spiritually overwhelmed and unprepared. I walked away defeated. (I think I probably went into it that way too). This time around I feel excited and ready for the challenge. My heart is in the right place now, a place of surrender and in a position where I'm ready to receive, to "step into my blessing" so to speak. I now know that God has a lot planned for me, that I don't want to do things my way anymore and that I want to learn what it means to be what He wants.

I decided about seven or eight months ago to surrender. I literally feel like I'm no longer in control. I've prayed that prayer and sang that song (I Surrender - The Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir) so many times but my heart was never 100% there. I never truly meant it because deep down inside I didn't want to change my life. I liked the control. I liked making my own rules. I wanted to surrender some parts of my life but not all of them. I'm almost positive in knowing that I'm not the only odd many out on this. I think as twenty-somethings, we want to live the life we see on TV and in magazines -- partying, drinking, clubbing, etc. I'm not judging ANY of those things because I've been there, I've desired those things and have lived that life to some extent. At times I've desired any one of those things more than I have God. I've indulged my flesh more times than I care to count. The only problem is that it has often left me feeling empty. After a night out of partying, I only feel tired the next day (sometimes a little hungover--I'm being honest here), sure I had fun but it was only momentary, it only lasted a few hours. The next day was un-filling and just another day. I think when you indulge your flesh and succumb to the things that the world would have you desire, you're always chasing that "high", that moment of excitement. It is so fleeting. It's like you have to fill-up your tank every weekend or weeknight just to "feel good."

I've found that the inconsistency of a life that desires the world only leads to unsatisfaction. Maybe it's me and my personality but I crave consistency, I think most people do. The world leads us to believe that consistency is boring, but how boring can consistency be, consistency here meaning the constant "fullness" one has in Christ, when you're always full. When you always feel complete and you don't have to "fill-up" as often becuase you are running on "eternal" gas.

In Christ our gas tank is always full. There's no need for the inconsistency because he is the same all the time. He is the same God who died on the cross and rose again, everyday, every weekend and every night. What truth and greatness is in that statement! I know now that I don't need to "fill-up" my tank every weekend and indulge the things that my flesh desires because my tank is full in Christ, that void is filled.

Life is changing and I'm following where he leads me, thankful that I'm not following myself anymore with my decisions only based on temporary happiness alone.

(I backdated this post because little did I know that the next day after I wrote this that at a group session at my retreat that the speaker would speak about the very thing I had thought about and meditated on the night before?!?! Talk about confirmation, the Holy Spirit and God talking to me, I hear you God, loud and clear! Of course the speaker had some biblical references to back up what I had been feeling and thinking the night before. See Ephesians 4:17-19 (also see 4:17-32)).